I’m at Mozart’s Coffee Roasters. Jazz in the background. Laptops are open–”Let’s focus on me,” beckons one of the stickers at my coffemate’s table. Lots of people from all over the world–accents, flourish of dress. To my right percolate the calm waves of Lake Austin. Sun is coming down, and it’s a bit hazy.
I’m hard at work on the student advisory program I’m managing. Toiling away at the design of the two-day training I’ll be running (with the lead guidance counselor’s help) at the middle school which wants to turn its failing test scores around (I understand they got the lowest test score in Austin–not good for No Child Left Behind).
Ok, the last paragraph isn’t exactly true. But I’ve wanted to say that for a few days. I’m not really working right now at all. It’s hard. I’m distracted. New town. Flying ants. Thoughtful people. People who, according to another Austinite, look like they’re homeless but really aren’t–just choose to look that way. The gray-haired guy who works in the kitchen here sings, “Wasting Away in Margaritaville,” as he restocks the serve-yourself coffee. And I… procrastinate?
This isn’t my normal style. Typically I can crank out the work. But. I. Am. Losing. Focus. YES, I am supposed to work 20 hours a week in the fall at the institute with the advisory program. YES, I will take classes. But right now I am NOT WORKING. My old school district might as well be on Uranus. Though I’ll admit to missing some great colleagues and beautiful students. But I want to go to author’s readings, swim laps by the pool. Finish reading The Shock Doctrine.
Another bite of chocolate cheesecake. Another sip of coffee. Inspiration.
***
I spent all day Thursday in meetings related to my institute work with the university. My colleagues at the institute (slave graduate laborers like I’m becoming) are smart, kind, thoughtful. I’m already learning from them, and I feel welcomed.
Our director is whip-smart and took me to a meeting with very talented, mostly professors from UT who are designing the UT Middle School. It will probably be a charter school run within the Austin public school system, a continuation of the already functioning UT elementary school. I was supposed to present what UT’s advisory program would look like. I had two sheets of bulleted notes and one academic quotation to support me.
These folks had packages. Multiple academic citations. Super-duper advanced degrees. Familiarity with talking a lot because they are the authority. I reminded myself that my unique strength was my real and valid experience from several US public school contexts. Nonetheless, I was relieved when the meeting had already gone on for too long and the director and didn’t have time to present. We (I) will buff up the bulleted pages into real texts with academic citations. You don’t dare build the university middle school without them.
What are my research questions? Where did I put them? Maybe they’ll be back in the next post.
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July 27th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Ah the siren song of distractions…
Just as food cravings sometimes indicate a nutritional need of some kind, perhaps these desires (reading, swimming, thinking) are good indicators of your current needs…? Transitioning is complicated, and the things you’ve described sound a lot like “looking after yourself.”
You also mentioned the upcoming structure, with not only graduate classes but also a complex obligation to students and their school…. so I hope you are indulging your desires for not only chocolate cheesecake, but also those otkher things that feed your spirit. Maybe what feels like procrastination right now is in part a kind of fortification, or readying of yourself for these rapidly-approaching challenges. Maybe? You will have plenty of deadlines soon enough. And deadlines are our friends.
And maybe the exercise of plumping up your two-page bulleted list will be fascinating and a beneficial endeavor. You DO have the advantage of student-centered experience, that many of our university-based peers lack… so now you’ll also have the opportunity to gain the cultural capital (making “packages” for meetings) so you can bridge the two worlds.
Has anyone told you lately how awesome you are? Keep making waves!