I like using a high-currency education word start. I’ll assess my measurable goals (SMART goals?) and then quantify these measurements.
Not really. The funny thing–coming to study at the University of Texas isn’t quantifiable. What would I measure? My GPA? Hours spent paper writing?
Things are about as clear as mud. I like the challenges of being here. Starting a new program. Professors with diverse backgrounds–some are very young, others very seasoned and well-published. Being pushed to learn in ways that are sometimes uncomfortable. At the risk of exposing my deep ignorance, I’ll take a stab at offering some things I have learned:
–Concrete historic explanations of institutional racism in the experience of immigration–see information about “Operation Wetback” if you have any doubts.
–Enhanced depth of understanding regarding the mismatch of teachers (usually, white, middle-class women) with an increasingly diverse population. Over the holiday season, I have met many white, middle class women teachers (disclaimer–like me), and tried to explain my interests in pursuing my PhD with sympathy toward their work. Those conversations feel kind of uncomfortable, because we talk about race, power, and class and how to try and meet students with backgrounds different from one’s own. Solutions for what to do about “those children” (you know who I’m talking about, right?) are never ready in a twenty-minute holiday party meeting. But we share experiences, and I listen. I guess I’m most moved by how these teachers really want to understand what to do.
–Better ideas about how to do research… I’ve developed better skills (through practice in one of my courses–thanks Dr. Urrieta!) at listening to people I research, respecting their positions, attempting to highlight their ideas through multiple lenses… lenses of current histories and cultural contexts, my own ideas, their lived experiences. I have been informed by various ways of knowing (and stay here to learn more from these perspectives) including Chicana feminist epistemology, critical race theory, and others.
I read (and write) a lot. I hear from other students that I’ll be reading a lot more next semester. Yikes. I tell myself that since I have gotten used to Texas (not really, but why stop lying to oneself?), I’ll have more mental space to read. One of my professors for next semester emailed us a complaint a student sent him about how the nine books he’s asking us to read are above that student’s budget. He was not moved and instructed us on how to purchase used books online. I don’t blame him. The texts are all great and important to the field (Cultural Theory).
I haven’t made many friends. Maybe in time. So it’s kinda lonely here, and I miss my friends and former colleagues more acutely than I had expected. And when I talk to them and hear about any of their problems, I feel a sort of existential angst that I am so far away and can’t be present to accompany them through struggles and joys of their lives.
I have taken up biking and looking into state parks. So has my husband. The parts of natural Texas we’ve seen are beautiful.
I wonder if it was “worth it” to uproot our lives from the Washington, D.C. area and a solid PhD program where I was studying before. Can I whine a bit about how much I miss working with and learning from Dr. Wong at George Mason?
I worry about the economy and hope Rob keeps his job. If not… well… I worry about the global economy and remember I’m not likely to ever go hungry because of my own social networks and then feel guilty about worry #1. And I try to comfort myself recognizing that our species will most likely persevere regardless.
Finally–for that cultural theory class–I’m supposed to give my professor a three-page paper about my research interests. If you’d like to write it for me, give me a holler. That little piece of work is truly clear as mud at this point.
*** a side note–I’ll be teaching Korean teachers on a Fulbright for about four weeks, starting next week–a course titled “American Public Education” through a language institute in Austin. It’s so strange being on the other side of Fulbright, but exciting, too. A great opportunity to put to work some of what I’m learning in shaping the ways Koreans understand education from a U.S. perspective.
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