There are sometimes mundane aspects of being a student which are so common but often undiscussed. Here I’ll illuminate a few of those.
Reading: I know I mention it a lot. But each week I print off several pages of readings when I am not reading actual books. Sometimes the stack for one week is so large it seems as large as a semester’s coursework of reading. Sometimes I am intimidated by that stack of white paper (I’ve already reconciled myself to the damage to the planet I’m doing). I want to hide under the bed, pretend it’ll go away. But I read it somehow. My highlighter flashes in the margins of text. I try to do all my reading–mostly because in many ways I like the text (even if I don’t like the style or some of the arguments).
Class discussion: Here’s where I get really earnest. I can’t help myself from caring a lot about the discussion. I bring questions about the readings. I get really animated. Sometimes I feel like nothing is more important than working through an idea with my colleagues. I don’t like it when class is cancelled (even though I’m relieved to have a break). I want those opportunities to talk with co-learners. I realize that after this program, I won’t likely be in those spaces again as co-learner on a semester system.
Paper writing: My experiences in the Writing Project helped me hone skills in writing thoughtful reflections to texts (and some professors ask for these kinds of short, 2 to 3 page papers frequently). I feel good when I write them, like I’m improvising jazz (if only!). I do not ever feel good when writing long papers with academic citations. Then I feel afraid, worried, and often stuck. The prose goes from fiery to wonky; my spirit feels slightly deadened by the process. I fear my work isn’t good enough (whatever the standard is, argh), I worry I’m not really making a contribution to anything. I like synthesizing ideas; I’m either lacking the confidence or buy-in to enjoy the process of academic writing. I suspect few people really enjoy the genre. Ideally I hope to marry some of my writing skills with the genre of academic writing so that I can survive the process and eventually like it. I’m wondering who to use as models… I’m reading some great ethnographic work as a start.
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